OK. The soccer season is over.
What happens now?
Your club mates generally morph into one of the following summer characters.
Some are good. Some are bad. Which are you?
The guy/girl who re-lives their best moments of the year
This guy/girl constantly replays in their head that time they beat three players and uncorked a 25-yard screamer into the top right corner.
They repeatedly tell work-mates, family and friends at all holiday celebrations, weddings and get-togethers about just how awesome they were during the season and how their team would have done absolutely nothing without them.
You’ll be able to spot them because most of the time they are either wearing a Manchester United or Liverpool jersey.
The guy/girl who obsesses about close losses and the times they messed up
This guy/girl constantly replays one (or in extreme cases all) of the following:
- the time they gave the ball away and the opposition scored from the next kick
- the time they scuffed a shot from two yards out that hit both posts and stayed out
- the time their miss-played pass could have led to a goal but it was slightly overhit
This person racks up a mega-large bill at the sports-psychologist (aka psychiatrist) during October-January and you’ll recognise him because his name is Steve Upfold.
The guy/girl who takes 5-a-side WAAAYYYYY too seriously
Perhaps because of failures of this guy/girl during the season proper, they feel obliged to question novice referee’s decisions, make two-footed slide tackles on 15-year-old girls, mock 35-year-old accountants when they miss-control the ball, and generally make it impossible for anyone to have any fun.
Everyone knows who these people are.
The guy/girl who instantly stops playing after the last game
This guy/girl has no dramas with putting their boots away and not thinking about the game at all until the first training session of the next season.
You’ll recognise this person when you run into them at the beach, the pub and the supermarket because you certainly won’t bump into them on a football field during the summer months.
The guy/girl who devotes all their time to following another football side
This guy/girl decides that because they can’t play football they need to support those who are and they do one (or in extreme cases all) of the following:
- get up at 2:30am on a Sunday to watch Watford play Sheffield Utd
- travel to North Harbour Stadium for Knights home matches
- travel to Links Ave to watch Hawke’s Bay v Canterbury Utd
You’ll recognise this person because you’ll see them at the corner dairy on Sunday’s at 3pm looking horrible because they just woke up after watching the Premier League triple-header live.
The guy/girl who instantly begins thinking about next year
This guy/girl is the person who drags their brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, workmates and neighbours kids down to the park in December for a four-point training session including shuttles, juggling, triangles and exploiting the space behind the leftback.
You’ll recognise this person when you see them kicking a ball around on a Monday evening in January as you drive home past Bledisloe.
The guy/girl who uses their Playstation or X-Box as their football outlet
This guy/girl locks themselves in their room for five months absolutely determined to win the World Cup with the All Whites because it’s WAAYYY too easy with Sweden.
You won’t recognise this person, because you won’t see them.
The guy/girl who has a summer sport outlet
This guy/girl is the one who seems to be good at any sport and they get their summer sporting fix on a golf course, a cricket field or a tennis court.
You’ll recognise this person when you see articles about them in a local paper, smiling and holding a non-football trophy.
The guy/girl who finally gets some work done
During the season, this guy/girl is always distracted as they think about the next game, reflect on the last one, trade emails with team mates second-guessing the coach’s decisions/line-ups and check the league standings and results.
You’ll recognise this person as the one who has just won their company’s “Employee of the Month” award.
The guy/girl who uses their off-season to get their catalogue of injuries sorted
This guy/girl plays most of the season with an injury and because they love the game so much they can’t stop playing as long as they can still at least hobble around the park.
You’ll recognise him when you see him at the physio in mid-January. His name is Andy Davey.
The guy/girl who reckoned the season just gone would be their last one
This guy more than likely plays for the over-35s and says “that was my last year” at the end of every season.
You’ll recognise him because he’s the first one down at training when the next season starts.
The guy/girl who re-introduces themselves to their family and friends
This guy/girl is so devoted to the game during the season that with all the practices and games they don’t get much time to spend with their loved-ones.
You’ll recognise them when you run into them as they’re having a family picnic, a day at the beach or are at the video store hiring all the latest kid’s movies.
The guy/girl who lives vicariously through their fantasy football team
This guy/girl isn't happy just watching football during the summer, oh no, they feel the need to interact with it by playing fantasy football.
These people "sign" a host of Premier League stars "their" team and then trawl through match reports and statistics each week hoping to read "their" players names in the goals scored column.
You'll only recognise the people whose teams are doing well as they'll be the ones constantly e-mailing/texting/reminding you/bragging about how well "their" team is doing. You won't hear from the losers at all. They're too embarrassed.
The guy/girl who is so committed to the game/club they stay involved over the break in preparation for next season
You’ll recognise these legends when you run into them at five-a-side and at the AGM.
When you do see them, be sure to say thank you.