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Roy Cook posted on April 05, 2009 19:31
As a new season dawned at The Theatre of Onions this Saturday afternoon Puke Old Boys were avidly looking forward to giving visitors Ellerslie, a tough competitive match, after last season's down to the wire nailbiter.
The scene was set and Jimmy (The Jumpstart) Haye unleashed the men in Maroon at 2.45 sharp with a shrill blast - we were off to a new season at last!
During the opening exchanges both teams vied evenly for openings and found control difficult on a rock hard pitch. This didnt worry Dave (Tricky Trickster) Barnard though who prowled the midfield like a wild eyed crazed Barracuda looking for any scraps he could find. He was everywhere spraying passes about with gay abandon. With his Great White partner in the middle Steve (The Don-Fabs) Fabrello, Puke were looking more dangerous on each attack and after a long throw into the box (a Fabs special) caused chaos. Puke were one up with an oggy. The hoi polloi went wild in a cacophony of glee and much merriment; the old boys were on their way and the crowds cheers were music to their ears and they finished the first half with a roulade.
At half time Gavin (Mac the knife) McKenzie told the lads "Hoots Mon we dinna wanna loose te deez shy talks".
Puke kept up the pressure in the second half and ten minutes in John (Five Bellies) Keane slotted a peach of a pass through to Roy (Seven Bellies) Cookster who should have found the target!
Half way through the second half and Andre van Octopuss was having more to do now and Puke were under pressure as a fierce shot ruffled the top of the net he was trapped in. Suddenly there appeared an Ichthyology expert on the side lines who was desperatly trying to get an interview with Billy the Fish but he was floundering in the murky depths of the front line.
As we all know only dead fish swim with the current when you throw sardines off the back of a trawler.
So by now the Ichthy guy had given up on an interview with the Fish and was tearing up and down the touch line like a rabid google eyed snapper frantically searching for the Fin, but he was absent and we were like-minded.
The tide was turning now and some legs were turning to Jellyfish. Ellerslie got a lucky four goals and the game was over.
If next weeks thrilling instalment of the spoliation of the opposition doesnt have you reaching for your dictionaries to understand this piscatorial reminiscence I dont know what will!
Cheers, go hard, Royza.